Chapter One

Rain pattered on to the sleeping bag as Hannah struggled up through layers of scary dreams and tried to open her eyes. They seemed to be glued shut and her body wouldn't move, didn't want to move, if she moved she would feel her clothes sticking to her skin inside the damp sleeping bag behind the cafe in the park. She knew it was morning but that was all, the question of why she had left her boyfriend Dan's house and his warm lovely mum, scrolled through her mind and wouldn't give up. The anxiety worms began twitching. Every morning now this happened about ten minutes after she woke up. She didn't want to take a Zanax, didn't want to take another pill, she surely didn't need one. It wasn't that, it was what had happened to her, this life, wasn't it? But they'd seen her through the night hadn't they and calmed her churning aching stomach but, a big but, they were the reason she was here! Just for those fucking pills, that was the answer then, they were why she'd left Dan's house, they were why she was messing her life up so badly.
  She sat bolt upright, heart pounding. She could hear birds signalling to each other in whistles and cheeps and then a magpie clattered up in the huge tree that loomed over the cafe. She squinted up at it. Noisy and flash. It's ugly clattering so jarring. She climbed out of her sleeping bag and started to shiver until her teeth actually rattled. She tried to jog a little on the spot but her limbs were like concrete. Thank God the sun was coming up and soon she'd be warm. She knelt on the ground and managed to roll her sleeping bag up in to a messy roll and tie it to her rucksack. She heard voices and the cafe door being unlocked, the cafe staff getting ready for opening time so she walked stiffly over to a bench where she could watch them setting the counter up, bringing out trays of warm croissants and pain au chocolate. She felt warmer just watching them. Maybe she could scrape enough change together to get a coffee. She hardly had any left now though. She found a pound coin in the bottom of her rucksack and a bit of change in her pocket. Not enough. Soon she'd either have to go home or beg. She didn't think she would be able to beg on her own. It had been bad enough that day with Graham. Graham who'd been so kind to her even though he was homeless and been on the streets for two years.
  She dozed a little on the bench with the first rays of the sun on her. Scenes with Dan and his mum Maureen replayed in her mind – replayed and made better; in her half dreaming mind, she was hugging Maureen, then playing Animal Crossing with Dan but then, suddenly, she was sitting on the bathroom floor feeling sick and dirty. A scraping noise jolted her awake as one of the cafe assistants set up the outside chairs and tables. She looked over at Hannah and smiled.
  'Coffee?'
  Hannah shook her head, 'No money.' she said
  The woman stopped setting up the table and looked at Hannah. 'No matter, come. Coffee on the house, you looking pale, cold.' She sat Hannah at a table and turned on the coffee machine. 'You know we give leftover to homeless, OK? So you come later too when we close. Take this now.' She handed her a croissant.
  'Thank you.' Hannah heard her voice – a quiet croak. And her mind raced– so I must look homeless, so she knows, so I am....its real.
  Tears filled her eyes. The woman handed her the coffee and smiled. 'You come back later, yes?'
  Hannah nodded. She left the cafe quickly, she couldn't allow herself to cry in front of people and the woman was so kind. She went to sit on a bench with a view of the skate park, the sun threw long shadows which etched out the curves and drops of the concrete runs, so beautiful and where she'd first seen Mandy swooping up and down the bowls, as good as any of the boys, better actually. She wondered where she was, she needed to find her, they'd been through a lot together and even though Mandy was a bit kind of reckless and took way too many pills Hannah wanted to see her badly. She sipped her coffee and ate half the croissant but the worms kept on turning and she thought she might be sick. She stared down at her knees trying to breath deeply. Her right knee was jiggling fast and her heart started to race. Then her hand snaked down in to her boot and came out with two pills, Zanax, pills doctors gave out for anxiety but that you could buy from dealers any where. She swallowed them and waited.
  She wondered if Graham and his dog Digger were in his spot by the town hall and if he would let her stay with him. But he might still be angry and not want the responsibility and why should he, he had his own problems, no she couldn't bother him again. Suddenly she craved the feel of Digger's silky fur, she leaned back and closed her eyes imagining burying her face in it, feeling the live warmth of him. Maybe she'd go and look for them later just to say hello. But for now it was warm and she had what she needed so she decided to stay behind the cafe again that night, it seemed like the safest place to be.