Tess
Davies

Reading her daughter's diary

Diary

At the door of this quiet room
  Your bedroom, holding all that you are
  In trust,

There is an, almost, holy hush
  But for the unexpected flesh pink –
  Such a mistake – a pigs ear.

You wouldn’t know this dark woman -
  your mother, slipping sly into your room
  into the air of you, any more than she knows you,

Who sees it, pretending not to,
  Wedged between bed and wall
  Black against pink, a bible in a boudoir.

First, she sits on the single bed edge
  Thinks of all that has been lost.
  The air full of absence.

Breathes in carefully, not too much,
  It’s your air,
  And remembers her own fifteenth year

Sleek as a seal in black regulation
  Costume and cap, pushing in
  And out of the cold sea, against Mother’s fears

Do it, her hand shoots out, of it’s own volition
  Pain-twisted fingers snatch the book
  Bring it to view.

Stealing a gasp of your precious air
  She opens it to the last entry
  Your birthday - October 30th 1966,

Looks to the white square of light
  Mouths a prayer
  For escape, for rescue 

Eyes snapping to the very line that
  Starts - ‘my mother’,
  Remembers too late

What her own mother always said,
  Amongst other frightening proverbs,
  What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

 

A mother can't help reading her daughter's diary and get's what she deserves